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I can't seem to heal right now... I try and I try to take my mind off of all this, of her... and I can't. The hell that pulsates through my heart, every second of every day. It's like a mute child trying so desperately to scream.
I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I have lived a long life for a man only 18, trying to make due and fight through every step of hell that lies on the path. Overcoming each struggle, each obstacle, and overall doing everything in my poWer to do what is right.
I came here so long ago, with an aching heart and good intentions. Looking for some place to escape the death of my Grandfather and a broken heart.
And it worked. For a time.
Now... now all I have left is remnants. I have the smoldering ashes and broken bricks, like a war torn town. The fire still burns, and now I walk this street with a burden on my shoulders: guilt and sorrow and self hatred that I could never have imagined. Where did it go wrong? How could I be so hated, so despised... when all I ever wanted was a home?
The internet... I came here for shelter. For refuge. For escape from a mad, mad world that I could no longer understand. I came here running, running from tragedy and pain. I don't blame anyone for the way things turned out... not one person. Not one incident. I just... I just don't understand.
But I will continue to fight. I will not be filled with fear. I will not bow to defeat and self pity. I will not kneel to defeat. I will fight until my dying breath, because nothing inside me... and I mean nothing... Will ever back down.