Me: Hello again, Slenderman. In our last interview, you said something about "friends". May I enquire about them?
Slenderman: Oh, yeah, sure! I'm sure they won't mind.
Me: So, first, I'd like to talk about the one you call... lesava look... ah yes, "Jeff".
Slenderman: Ah, Mr. Drewson! He's a barrel o' fun, 'im. Well... providing you classify fun as murder, that is. Met 'im during a trip to America to visit cousin Wendigo. I swear to my ex-boss, he's obsessed with sleep. Jeff, that is.
Me: Could you give a physical description of him? (Although I could probably guess how he looks...)
Slenderman: Well, He has very pale skin, long, black, unkempt hair, a glasgow smile, and wide, unblinking eyes without any irises.
Me: Knew it. Now about this "Jane" person...
Slenderman: You mean Miss Arkensaw? Yeah, met her on the same trip. She's not as fun as Jeff. Always lamenting her parent's death, and expressing her hatred towards Jeff, who happened to kill her parents. She's a hilarious drunk, though. Guessing you'll want a physical description of her 'n' all. Well, she looks kinda like Jeff, though her eyes are just pure black and are able to blink, and no glasgow smile. Also, she washes her hair.
Me: And what of Sally?
Slenderman: Ah, poor Sally Williams. Her tale is a sad one. On one of my trips to Purgatory, I saw a young girl on her knees, hands over her eyes, weeping. She was molested & murdered by her own uncle. I comforted her, and we became quick friends. I'm now her legal guardian. Nice girl, too. She looks like yer usual 9-year-old girl, long, brown hair, emerald eyes, beautiful smile, and covered in blood. Oh, she also weeps blood as well.
Me: Alright. Now about this Jack person, Is he the same as the Jack fellow we've been tracking?
Slenderman: Depends, does your Jack eat people's kidneys and jump freakishly high?
Me: As a matter of fact, he does.
Slenderman: Then yes. I met him in London, in the year 1885. I saw him jump 15 meters in the air. Seeing that I myself was a fellow urban legend (I was masquerading as Jack the ripper at the time) he came to me for protection, though that's a story for another time. His face is usually obcured by a mask I got him. Said mask is blue in colour, with a black substance leaking from the eye-holes. Strange thing 'bout his eyes... hasn't got any. But apart from that, he looks relatively... human.
Me: 'Kay then. Your next "friend" is one you call Zalgo...
Slenderman: Oh, Zalgo! He's fun. Met him when I accidently created a rip in the fabric of space-time. Not much to say about him.
Me: We've been tracking Zalgo for quite some time, now. We believe him to be dangerous to the human race.
Slenderman: What, Zalgo? Nooo, he wouldn't hurt a fly! Sure, he talks a big game, all "I'll consume all their souls" & "I'll destroy this world", but he's a big softie! Faints at th' sight of blood!
Me: *stifling laughter* Okay, could you give a physical discription of the "great" Zalgo?
Slenderman: Sure thing! He appears a demonic humanoid, jet black skin, large, spikey, black horns, glowing, red eyes, razor sharp teeth, which is strange considering he's vegetarian...
Me: You're kidding me! *Breaks down in laughter*
Slenderman: Let me finnish! He also has red wings made of what looks like light, and he usually has one or two thorny tendrils.
Me: Right, who's next... Ah, Toby. We have reason to believe you have control over him, yes?
Slenderman: Limited control, yes. He's one of my proxies. I met him after the untimely death of his sister. I was able to erase his memories, but not his problems.
Slenderman: Oh, you know, CIPA, Schiznophrenia, Tourettes, PTSD, Bipolarity... stuff like that.
Me: Okay, continue.
Slenderman: He's a mischievious little s***, too. Always teasing Sally and getting into fights with the others. Ecspecially Jeff.
Me: Why Jeff?
Slenderman: I'll tell you in a minute. Now his physical description. He looks relatively normal, brown hair, brown eyes, although he does have pale skin, and wears those dreadful orange goggles and that tacky bandana. Apart from that, he's quite normal. Appearence-wise, that is.
Me: Right. So, the reason he get's into fights with Jeff is...
Slenderman: The one known as Natalie, although she prefers the nickname "clockwork killer". I'll tell you why later. She's the cause of all the tension between Toby & Jeff.
Me: May I ask why?
Slenderman: Well, you see, they both like her, y'know? I mean 'like' like. D'you, uh, tumble to my barrakin?
Me: Yes, I know what you mean. Now, a physical description, please.
Slenderman: Well, She has long brown hair, bright green eyes - well, eye, she replaced one with a clock...
Me: Explains the nickname.
Slenderman: Again, with the interupting! Anyways, another interesting feature she has is her permanent smile...
Me: Go on...
Slenderman: She stiched her mouth into a wide and terrifying grin. Have to admit, made me jump when I first met her.
Me: Right, well, last thing I'd like to talk about is this Herobrine fellow...
Slenderman: Oh, him. He's more of an aquaintence rather than a friend. D'you play minecraft?
Me: Yes, I do!
Slenderman: Well then, you should have a good idea what he looks like. He's a nice chap. Got me a gift code for minecraft last year. Although you probably shouldn't try to find him. He'll grief your world & psycologically torture you until you kill yourself or [DATA EXPUNGED].
Me: Huh. Well, that's it for now. Maybe next week, we could talk about your family, If you have one, that is.
Slenderman: Hmmm... alright, if it'll make you happy.