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I Wonder?

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I wonder. Why? Why do I wonder? Because if I could do other than wonder, I wouldn't be wondering, here in this whimsical world of wonder.

I wonder...

What if I hadn't been so stupid and blind? So ignorant to what I had? Would things have turned out differently? Would they have turned out... what's that word... good? Or would the inevitable have simply been delayed? I am not one to know. Stripped of my dignity, my will, my love for everything. My hopes, my treasures;

Words spoken tell of repent, but how can I have faith when all I've known are lies?

Precious, glorious, promising lies.

And I believed them.

I wonder... simply wonder...

Why?

Have eyes of blue not shed enough tears? My soul of good intention not corrupted and blackened enough? Is my truth still not bent to your liking? Have I not seen enough blood to sate you?

Am I not twisted enough?

Am I not pure?

Am I not dead?

I can only wonder what you want. I can only guess what you're going to do, only imagine, only hope. Because I can't do anything anymore. Shut me out, shut me down, close yourself off in your own little world of perfection. A world I don't exist in.

I probably never did.

The most beautifully sickening thing is deceit, like a poison smelling of roses and promise.

Once consumed; you'll bleed inside.

And die.

I wonder...

A sublime death of blinding, beautiful lies, the thorns of a black rose...

Or an ugly truth.




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