Bin awhile guys. Just been thinking over some shit that makes my head ache, theories and stuff dunno if I'll bother writing it down until Ive got my head around it. And even then.. Maybe if asked. So I dont suppose anyones noticed but, everythings gone. Died. My channel. All gone. And Its not coming back. I guess tonights just one of those nights I guess I want to talk but chats kinda empty so I'm just here. Again.
I just feel lost. Because, well my lifes coming back. I've gotten occupied. Thinking right. I'm making a slender series actually. A real one, not like before. with actors and editing... But tonight Im just thinking about what Ive left behind. The way my life was what Id become was as much apart of me as anything and its just gone...
And now things are so ordinary again. So dull and aimless. I almost miss it but of cource thats just mad isnt because what I was before was just well I was a killer at heart fighting permenently. But at least I had purpose. real god damn purpose to survive and live day to day was a challenge I knew in my heart what I needed to do what I wanted what I didnt want and death. was right there. I miss death somehow its presence was soothing somehow knowing it was comeing how it was coming why it was coming that control that purpose to avoid it. That was the nature of life. Now what am I.
What was I. What am I. Who am I. Thats the big question because Ive lost something Ive been in the fire one too many times now and I miss the burn. I miss the burn.
I guess madness really isnt cureable but Ill make do.
Im still a loose mad man.
I still hold the fire.
But what to do with it?